Dear Owen Royce

As I laid you down in your crib tonight, I made a commitment to finally do this before I could think of something else to do before going to bed myself. I have been intending to write you this letter since you were much smaller.

Although you can't understand a single word in this message at your age right now, eventually you will, and it will only be a few years before you learn to read. I'm writing you now because the future is never certain and (heaven forbid) I might not have another opportunity to do it. I'm writing you this letter with hopes that should anything happen to myself before you have a clear memory of me... the words I have spoken to you... and the generous affection I give you at every chance I get, you will know and somehow feel in your heart how much I loved and cared you as you read it.

First, I want you to know that your father and I both wanted you in our lives. You did not come by accident or mistake. We dreamed of you and we are very blessed that Heavenly Father gave you to us. The months that I carried you inside my body were some of the most exciting times in my life. Oh how I miss those mornings when you would wake me up with your wiggling and kicks that were sometimes too strong and sudden they startled me, and your daddy would put his hand on my belly so he too could feel your tiny little feet. There were days that he went to work a little late because he didn't want to get up and would rather lay there with me and wait for more of your movements. Then the time came that we were finally going to meet you. Your daddy and I were very excited to finally see what you would look like and hear your first cry. This being a new experience to me, I admit that I was scared at the same time. But I was more worried about you than I was about myself. That night I walked into the hospital, I was weeks away from my due date. I had no clue what was going to happen in the next few days, I only knew that if I lost my life from delivering you it would be worth it. I would rather not die another way than from bringing into the world the love of my life. And I want you to know that if the choice between you and I came up, I would not hesitate to choose your life over mine.

I did not fully understand what joy motherhood could bring until you smiled back at me for the first time, heard you say "mama" as your first word, saw you learn to roll over and crawl, watched you stand up then smiled at me with so much pride, witnessed you take your first two steps and eventually walk on your own with confidence. Those genuine smiles and toothy grins; those innocent stares in your wide eyes; the infectious giggles, all the cooing and mumbling, and every single syllable coming out of your mouth were all worth the sleepless nights. I wish I could document every single thing you do and the fleeting moments we share, and be able to relive them all over and over.

You now have learned to offer me and your father affection. You take a few random pauses in the middle of your playtime and run to me to give me a hug, then hold my face with both hands as you lean in to give me kisses. My favorite is when you sneak up behind me when I'm sitting on the floor—unaware of you approaching—and throw your arms around my neck, then giggle as though you know you caught me by surprise. You'd then climb on my back, hinting me to give you a piggy back ride. When I'm sitting on the couch, you climb up to me for snuggles then sit down as close as you can on my side. There have been times that while I'm holding you, I catch you staring at me then smile when I say "What?". Such a sweet little boy you are! You love to pinch our nose, including Wyatt's. Good thing the cat is now a lot more patient with you than he used to be. You like to be read to at least 10 times a day and I always see you on the floor "reading" your favorite book trying to imitate how your dad or I do it. You amaze me everyday with all these things you do. I can't imagine how boring my life would be if you weren't around. I am incredibly blessed to have you. You made me a mother, you taught me to parent, you gave my life a purpose.

Raising you is an adventure I must say, because there's no telling what the outcome of your upbringing will be. I hope I am doing things the right way as far as parenting you. I hope I am fulfilling my responsibilities as much as I should. I hope that whenever I'm around you, I'm setting you good examples. My parenting may have a lot of imperfections, but I'm trying to do what I know and believe to be the best for you. As any other mom would, I wish for you to grow into a happy, kind, wise, respectful, and God-fearing man. But no matter what kind of life you will someday choose when you're old enough to make your own decisions, or what things you will believe in, know that nothing will change the amount of love I have for you right now except that it will only continue to grow. I will always look at you the same I way did when I first laid eyes on you. I love you more than I can ever say, more than you or anybody will ever know.

Mom